Week 72, in which I learn more than I knew before about how much I don't know.

What, week 72?! UGH this is the worst. Whose idea was it to number my emails anyways? I can't believe it's mid-November--I feel so old! Seriously, I'm one of the oldest missionaries here right now. Hong Kong is filled with peppy, super cool 19-year-old sisters, and I feel like the awkward old lady in the corner, SO last year, just like Angry Birds or Twilight or JBiebs. (Actually, let's be real, I have no idea what's cool and what's not anymore, I'm just guessing.) Anyways, that's enough about that.

T-shirt of the week: this one's just a little weird, I don't know. It says, "Mind if I have a bite?" Oh, and on the way to the library I saw a shirt that said, "WINNING," and it reminded me of that celebrity whose name I cannot remember who said that a lot. 

This week I learned several things. The first is how simple this gospel really is. In K T, they had a gospel class every Wednesday night, and we called it the Kolob class, because they just loved to get into deep, ridiculous doctrinal speculations. Sometimes people just look for the most complicated things and debate these minor points and get all caught up in things that aren't as important. But really, it's simple. We had a lesson with Sister N this week, and we set up three chairs in the room, each several feet further away than the one before. On the first chair we put a mint; on the second, an onion (our fridge has a limited variety of food, okay?); on the third, three delicious homemade cookies (courtesy of Betty Crocker cookie mix). And we asked Sister N which one she wanted. After asking if the mint was some kind of medicine (as if that would make a difference in her decision?), she said that she wanted the cookie. We pointed out that she'd have to put out extra effort to get it, wouldn't it just be easier to settle for the onion? But she walked all the way over to go get the cookie. (This object lesson is more poignant because earlier this year she had a stroke which left her unable to walk for quite a while; but in the past few months, she has been able to go from using a walker to walking without any help at a completely normal pace. Miracle? Absolutely.) Isn't this life the same way? Our joy is positively correlated with the effort that we put forth. 

But the trick is this: as Elder Joseph B. Worthlin said it, "Those who make happiness their chief objective in life are bound to fail." In our leadership meeting this week, we discussed this quote, and I've thought about it ever since. It seems so illogical, but it makes sense to me. Who was the happiest person to ever live? I'd say it was Jesus Christ. Yes, he experienced all the pain and suffering for all of our sins and our trials. But because of that deep understanding and capability to feel pain, his understanding of true joy was more complete and perfect than any other person who has ever lived. A newborn baby can only experience so much joy, because he has no real understanding of what joy isn't. But Christ completely understands what it means to have a fullness of joy. And what brought him a fullness of joy? Doing the will of the Father. When we turn our will over to Heavenly Father, he can make so much more out of us than we ever could. If our focus is always on getting the things that will make us happiest, we'll fail. But if we focus on doing what God wants us to do, we can't help but be happy. And it's a real happiness too, not anything that the world can give us. I've only started to understand this concept, and I feel like the more I figure out, the more I realize I don't understand! But I guess that's life, right? I wonder if there's ever a point in the eternities where that reverses? Probably not. Which is great.

We had another great lesson this week--we had a family home evening with a member family, the bishop's family, C (who recently got baptized), and C's dad, who doesn't really know much about the gospel. We taught about how important the simple, basic gospel habits are, and compared our lives to Jenga. If we remove just one block, it doesn't seem to make a big difference, right? Just like not reading scriptures for a day or two doesn't seem to make a difference either. But as you keep removing blocks one at a time, the tower becomes less stable, and you realize the difference that one little block can make. We talked about Helaman 5:12, about building ourselves on a sure foundation, on Jesus Christ; when we do so, the storms are still going to come, but we won't fall. And again, it hit me how simple the gospel really is. It all comes back to these simple building blocks. That's what builds a powerful testimony, consistently making small, daily decisions to build on Christ. Just like Aristotle said, "We become what we repeatedly do." 

Well, now that I've written way more than I planned to about all that, we're headed to buy Christmas presents! Thank you to Granny Kate and to Uncle Marcus for the package and birthday card, I'll open them on Wednesday! I love you all, hope you have a great week!

Week 71, in which I celebrated Halloween, faced more killer bees, and met Mister O

Happy November! Turn on the Christmas music! Sorry this email is later than usual--our P-day changed to Thursday so that we can go to the temple! I'm so excited, I haven't been for six months now!

This week we had a couple really good t-shirts of the week. The first: "Captain American." Nice try. The second: "Let's go to space, brother." The third (worn by a Chinese woman): "Black girls rock." 

I've had several moments this week that took me back to my childhood... We celebrated Halloween by switching clothes with the other sisters in our apartment. I dressed up as Sister T, and I must say that I love her style. We discussed our past Halloween costumes over lunch, so naturally we ended up talking about my awkward years when I dressed up as a stoplight... and a mailbox. And a few days ago we were walking to the church when I noticed a stick lying on the sidewalk. My first thought? That stick would make a perfect Harry Potter wand. Oh yeah, those were the days, when you'd go out searching for the perfect stick to use as a wand! Not too fat, nice and straight, a little flexible, 11 1/2 inches long. Classic.

We had another encounter with the killer hornets outside our house. Last time we were merciful... we caught him in a cup and then freed him out in the wild. But this time, I had had enough. That was the last straw. The audacity, coming in again after we'd gone to all the trouble to free him. He came in right during our evening planning, so I just went to bed early and prayed SO hard that he would just die in the night. I prayed and prayed and prayed. But when I came out in the morning, I could still hear his merciless buzzing. He was camped out in the corner right behind my desk. So after much squealing and close calls, we caught him in a cup and then tied him in a grocery bag and then smushed him. That's what they call karma. Or something.

Anyways, this experience taught me an eternal principle. Heavenly Father heard my prayer, I know that for sure. But why didn't he answer it? Why didn't he just get rid of the bee? That's not usually how he works. God typically doesn't just take our problems away. How are we ever supposed to learn and grow and man up and just kill the bee ourselves if he just takes away our problems every time, as soon as we ask? So instead of killing the bee, he gave us the courage and protection that we needed to kill the bee ourselves. I'm grateful God does that. Otherwise I'd just chicken out of everything and never learn or grow.

And for all those who think me wimpy for being so scared of this bee, I want you to know that he was aggressive! And Dad told me that people have DIED from the aggressive Mainland bees! They're much meaner than the tame, Virginian bees. So yeah. 

Mister O is the friend of J, the old man who wants us to ride motorcycles with him. But he's much more normal than J. J brought him to the church the other day, so we gave them a tour. During the middle of the tour, J insisted that we go take pictures in the lobby immediately, "before all the people come" (it was a Thursday morning... no one was coming). So then we took pictures, and I must say they turned out quite awkwardly haha. As they left the chapel, J turned around and said, as he creeped backwards and waved extravagantly, "For you... sweet... lovings. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEET lovings." Yes. I almost died.

We were having a rather fruitless afternoon of finding in drizzling rain a few days ago, and right before we went home, Sister C (one of our members) appeared out of nowhere and said, "Come here quick!" She pulled us into 7-11 and bought us ice cream. What a blessing! Heavenly Father really does look after us missionaries, sending angels in all forms to brighten up our day. Sometimes those angels are named after fruit, and sometimes they are just sweet, loving members who have experienced finding before and know that it's hard. But he always sends them right when they're needed. 

Week 70, in which I see some miracles (no surprises there) and in which I experience the first human car-wash. Yeah, it's weird.

Remember how I got my hair cut last week? Well, it turned out great, but let me tell you, it was the weirdest experience EVER. First, the majority of hair stylists in Hong Kong are men, so that's weird. When I first got there, they led me to the back corner were there was a strange chair resembling a dentist's chair, but with a weird sink contraption where my head was. It wasn't a normal shampooing chair, no. This was the Human Car-Wash 2000. I didn't really know what was going on (strangely enough, I didn't understand most of the technical terms the dude was saying... I need to brush up on my hair-cutting vocabulary). The man handed me some earplugs and gestured for me to put them in my ears. After I did that, I laid down and he put my hair into this sink thing and put a lid over it that framed my face and covered my hair. And then these lights started going off and a weird beeping noise started and these jets started spraying my head at a rather alarming pressure! My head started being moved up and down and back and forth, and the jets kept spraying from different directions, first hot water and then cold water. I was trying so hard to not laugh and my neck started hurting after a while because my head kept getting jerked up and down. This machine lasted for over ten minutes, and it felt like ETERNITY! Then it finally ends and I keep trying to just get up and out of there, but the hair guy keeps stopping me to do things like towel-dry my hair (weird) and fish my earplugs out of the sink (they got shot out by the water jets). But he finally let me go. When I got to the mirror, I almost burst out laughing again--my hair was a MESS! It was so knotted and frizzy and horrible! And then the guy spent at least 15 minutes combing my hair and watching a Korean rock concert on the tv. But finally he cut my hair and it turned out fine. It was a very... interesting experience, and I think it set the tone for the rest of the week.

That night we had a really cool miracle! We were trying to find a less-active family who hasn't been to church in a couple of years. We got past the apartment guards (the first miracle) and then we found the right door and they were home (the second miracle). They were so nice (the fourth miracle) and turns out they don't even LIVE there anymore; they were just visiting a family member who lives there now. That's the best miracle! We just happened to drop by at the exact time that they were visiting. That's miraculous. I love that feeling, when I realize that Heavenly Father really is guiding us. I don't always know if he is, but it's experiences like this that really build my trust in Him.

We had a really funny visit with an old pohpo this week. A member invited us to go visit the old lady that lives next door to her, but wow was she not interested in having us there haha. Here's how our conversation went: "Thanks so much for letting us visit you today!" "I don't have anything else to do!" "Could we open with a prayer?" "I don't like to pray!" "Oh, you don't have to pray, I can pray." "I don't want to pray!" "You don't have to, I can do it." "Okay, but I don't want to pray." "Okay, you don't have to, I can do it." "I can't pray!" "Don't worry, I'll say it." "What!?" "I'm going to say a prayer." "Okay!" Later... "We picked out a hymn to sing for you, is that okay?" "I don't know how to sing!" "You don't have to sing, we can do it." "I never sing!" "You don't have to sing, we can sing." "I won't sing!" "Okay, we can sing though." "Okay, but I won't sing!" "Okay, we're going to sing now..." Later... "And Heavenly Father loves and teaches us just like you love and teach your children." "What?! I didn't teach my kids anything!" "I'm sure you helped them learn how to be good people and help others and be good parents." "No, I didn't help them at all! They figured it out by themselves!" "Well, I'm sure you help your grandchildren now." "Nope, not at all! I don't tell them anything useful!" "And you're humble too!" Anyways, it was a fun lesson, but I don't think we'll be getting frequent visitor passes any time soon.

We had a miracle walk-in family this week! And they are so cute: they have two daughters that are 4 and 6, and they all stayed for our English class. We met them after a few tough days of finding, so I really feel like Heavenly Father answered our prayers and is aware of our work.

Anyways, I had about 5 more miracles I wanted to write about, but I'm out of time. We're going ice skating now, so I'll talk to you next week! I love you!

Week 69, in which I'm wading through the Book of Job, but other than that having a great time!

I can't believe I'm almost to week 70! Where has the time gone? I'm loving ----, Sister M, our investigators, and our weird, random, creepy, old men that we meet. Seriously. This is one of the major trials we've had this week, the only people who want to talk to us on the streets are the old dudes with crackly voices and relatively good English. We met J this week, completely by accident, and he gave us his number and told him to call us for English class. So I called him and here is the conversation we had:

Me: Hi J, how are you today?

J: I just got off work, have you eaten dinner?

Me: Yes, we have. How was work?

J: It was good. Do you want to go to eat dim sum?

Me: No, we've eaten. What job do you do?

J: I drive a motorcycle. Do you know how to drive a motorcycle?

Me: No. We have English class tonight if you want to come, it starts in--

J: I can teach you to drive a motorcycle. Let us go ride a motorcycle.

Me: No, missionaries don't ride motorcycles, especially with strangers. Anyways, hope to see you at English class ton--

J: How about on Saturday? We can go ride motor--

Me: No, I won't be doing that, thank you. Have a great evening!

J: Okay, next time we'll go eat dim sum thanks bye!

Me: No---

*click*

Yeah, just my luck haha. But we've met some really great people this week, including a sister named S, a referral from a friend back home! She is so prepared, it really is a miracle. We ate lunch together and then showed her around our chapel. She has been looking for guidance and direction in her life, and wants to know if this can help her. She said she'll read the pamphlets and the mormon.org website and call us soon. It really was a special meeting. I'd been kind of nervous about it all week, and I'd prayed hard that I would know what to say and how to help her. And then afterwards I realized that it didn't matter that I don't really know what to do or how to help people, because this work isn't about me. It never is. It's Christ's work, and he knows exactly how to help her. I'm so grateful that he trusts me, despite my imperfections and weaknesses, to take care of some of the precious people here in Hong Kong. It is a privilege.

T-shirt of the week: "Spooky. Stretching it a bit. Foo." It had a kitten on it.

I've learned more about following the Spirit this week, although I haven't quite come to a conclusion of what I've learned yet. We were getting on the light-rail the other day when I saw a lady looking at us. I felt like maybe I should talk to her, but the car was so crowded and there was literally no way that I'd get over to her before our stop came. So I just got off and we switched trains, and I saw her again! Still pretty far away though. So I prayed and told Heavenly Father that if she gets off with us again, I'll talk to her. And then she did. I walked up behind her, having no idea what to say, and so I just opened my mouth and said, "Hi, I'm Sister Cutler, and I really want to help you--" and then she said, "NO NEED!" and booked it away. I was kind of taken aback for a second. All these doubts came, and I thought maybe I was just wrong. But then Sister M told me, "I felt like we should talk to her too." So I have no idea what that was all about, but for some reason or another it needed to happen.

In other news, I was dumb this week and cut my finger pretty badly on a seemingly harmless butter knife. Don't ask. Anyways, I've been sporting a pretty sweet band-aid which has been more than averagely annoying. It got me thinking about that scripture in Isaiah 49 where Jesus Christ says, "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee on the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." I've been noticing my cut all week, I just can't forget about it. And in the same way, Jesus Christ always remembers us. (Well, not exactly the same way, he doesn't feel irritated every time he remembers us, the way I am with my cut, but it's just an analogy.) He really doesn't ever forget us. 

I've thought a lot about this verse this week as we go up into the small villages in the mountains to go finding. These villages are incredible, I don't know how they survive typhoon season. The little squatter huts are perched so precariously one on another that I feel like if I kicked out one loose board, the entire neighborhood would collapse. The huts range from reasonably sturdy to held-up-by-sheer-will-power. And sometimes it's almost impossible to even find a door, because you have all these random gutters and alleyways and secret stairways. These people out here really are forgotten in a lot of ways by the world. But not by the Savior. He loves each one of them, and their trials and sadness and joy and successes are continually before him. I love him for that.

Well, Sister M and I are off to get hair cuts! I'm a little nervous. We've heard several horror stories about various hair-cutting experiences that went awry. But I've been praying for protection, so I think we'll be okay. And something I've learned on my mission: time and the Atonement are great healers. If you take Jesus Christ's sacrifice and apply it to your life, then just add faith, anything will be fixed: broken hearts, lives scarred by sin, even cut fingers and bad haircuts. And that's why I'm here, because I've felt that healing power and want others 

Week 68, in which I become a little more like Legolas and in which I receive several much-appreciated beauty tips

Well, I can't believe it's P-day again! It feels like this week was about five seconds long. First of all, let's talk about the t-shirt of the week! This one isn't my best, but it kept me thinking for a while. It says, "Texture in a painting is the feel of the canvas." I think it might be really deep and philosophical, but I can't be sure. It might just be ridiculous. Anyways, then I saw an advertisement today that said, "Tattoo is not just a piece of art, but a state of mind." How can one be in a "tattoo" state of mind? 

Good news! Or bad news! I haven't yet decided. The QUEST gang has struck AGAIN! This time they're right here in ___! Their sphere of influence extends beyond the borders of Macau. Who knows where they could strike next?

One of the sweet pleasures that we enjoy here in the mission are our excessively low-tech cell phones. These beautiful Nokias (we call them "daew dou mh laahn ge," an adjective which means "throw still won't break") have this cool feature where you can make little tunes and then use them as your ring tone. So our current ringtone is "Called to Serve." It's sweet. Every time someone calls, I roll over in my profesh office chair, answer with a classy, "WAIH?!" And wow do I feel like I'm on the latest episode of the 'The District.' I love it.

In other news, my Chinese is coming back at a miraculous rate, although I still have times where I say something like, "This hand sanitizer tastes really good" when I mean to say that it smells good. But hey, that's life! 

There are some really elaborately decorated security gates here, and sometimes we just stand there for a few seconds with feelings of awe and frustration. We just KNOW that there are prepared people waiting behind those gates. And we try lots of different ways to get through them. My most recent attempt: speak "friend" and enter. Yeah. Elvish style. But here, we say, "Pahngyauh." It hasn't worked for me yet, but it'll work one day, I have no doubt.

We had a really great lesson with Sister N last week. We talked about the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and I shared about how he has helped me throughout my mission, especially during those times when I felt alone and so useless and helpless. It was a powerful lesson. As I finished sharing my testimony, she was just staring so intently right at my eyes, and I was sure she was about to say something really profound. Then she said, "You shouldn't crinkle your eyebrows like that, it looks really ugly." Haha, it took me aback a little, but it's amazing how much comments like that don't bother me anymore. That's just the way the Chinese people are! I really appreciate her advice, I've been trying my best not to crinkle my eyebrows so much. 

I had a really enlightening personal study yesterday after General Conference. I was reading 2 Timothy 3 (which was quoted several times during the conference) and in verse 7 it talks about people who are "always learning but never come to the knowledge of the truth." And then I thought about the verse in John 8 that says, "If you do my will, you are my disciples indeed; and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." And then I remembered what Christ had once said about himself, that he is "the way, the truth, and the life." He is the truth. That verse might as well say, "You shall know Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ shall set you free." There are so many people in the world that are searching for truth. For thousands of years, philosophers and scientists have debated about the meaning of truth. Some believe that there is no truth, nothing absolute or unchanging. But I've seen and felt the truth and the love and the power of Jesus Christ. As we come to know him, we know the truth and we attain true freedom. We're free from the burden of sin and past trials. We're free from who we were before and we're able to become a new, better person every day. I have met so many intellectual, educated, experienced people here in Hong Kong; they have learned so much and yet they haven't to come to the knowledge of Jesus Christ. 

We've experienced a lot of rejection lately, and it's a miracle how much it doesn't hurt me. I love these people and it just makes me sad. I wish I could just stand on a great big box somewhere and shout really loud so that everyone here could understand and feel how important this is. But we just keep on going, one person at a time. That's how Jesus Christ did it anyways. He didn't just stand on the roof of the temple in Jerusalem and holler at all the people at once. He went city to city, door to door, setting people free from physical and spiritual burdens one by one. I love him so much for his example. He is real, I'm so so sure of it. 

Week 67, in which I'm not in Hung Shui Kiu, and in which I move YET AGAIN, and in which I've rung hundreds of doorbells and sneezed hundreds of times.

So yeah, I'm not in Hung Shui Kiu. But that shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone, I mean really. Expect the unexpected. That's the moral of this week. But wow am I happy! I love my new area, love my apartment, love my companion, love the sisters I'm living with, love the investigators we have. Need I say more? Well, I will anyways.

So last Monday night, the zone leaders called me. Here's how the conversation went:

Elder L: So President Hawks just wanted me to tell you that you will be leaving on Wednesday morning after all.

Me: Okay, I figured. Thanks for letting me know. Anything else?

Elder L: No, I think that's it.

Me: Haha, are you sure? Any surprise changes? Last minute moves?

Elder L: Oh, yeah. Well you're going to a different area. With a different companion.
Me: Oh, that might be worth mentioning.
Elder L: Yeah, maybe.

So now I'm in Tm with Sister M! I love it here, pretty much in the middle of nowhere, New Territories. The mountains here remind me of Provo in April, so rugged and green. Although mosquitoes are more abundant here, and the bees are HUGE. I've only seen one. Unfortunately, it was flying around our study for about 10 minutes, and I kept swinging one of my dresses at it for about 8 minutes until I realized that it was a GIANT, VICIOUS BEE. Then I turned off the light and ran out of the room. It left eventually.

I got to my apartment on Wednesday night (after lugging my suitcases around Hong Kong for a couple of hours) and started to unpack when I realized that the apartment didn't have any extra hangers. It's a brand new apartment, in a complex called Uptown. And it fit the name perfectly--there's a chandelier in the bathroom. And then on Saturday night, the assistants called us to tell us that Sister M and I were moving. AGAIN. Due to my fortunate lack of hangers, I'd been living out of my suitcases for a few days, so the move didn't affect me that much. But now we're in a slightly less fancy apartment and I'm living with Sister P, who I'd lived with in Macau. So I feel much more at home.

I love Sister M, we get along really great. I really hope this is my last move and my last companion, although I'd naturally do whatever they needed me to do.

When I moved into the first apartment, Sister M and Sister C(the sisters we were living with) were speaking straight Chinese, and Sister C (American-born Chinese) pretended that she was from China and didn't know any English. I'd already been told that she was ABC, but I went along with it for a while, pretending like I believed it. That night they said, "Sister Cutler, we have something we need to tell you..." "Sister C knows English already." "What? You knew? AW MAN!" It was so funny. "AW MAN!" is one of the catchphrases in our zone, the second one being, "I'm so sorry about that." They say it all the time.

One thing that has taken a little adjusting: going from teaching 20 lessons a week to doing 20 hours of finding a week. But it's good for me. We went proselyting for a great 6 hours on Saturday, and wow did I need to go to the bathroom. We were knocking doors in a small village which didn't have any public bathrooms. But that's life, I guess. Anyways, these buildings are about three or four stories high; all of the doorbells are at the outside door at the ground floor, and I'm pretty sure 90 percent of them were broken. Of the remaining 10 percent, about half had ridiculous doorbell tones, Jingle Bells being one of the more popular ones. My favorite thing is when we ring a doorbell and then hear a voice from three stories up yell, "WHO IS IT?!" I yell back, "Church missionaries! We have a very important message to tell--" "NO INTEREST, GO AWAY!" It really feels like I'm doing real missionary work. I think we rung a good 150 doorbells.

I'd inherited a cold from Sister L right before I left Macau, and during our finding session I was sneezing up a storm. I think my longest sneeze fit was seven in a row. But here's the miracle: I only got the cold on Tuesday, but it was completely gone as soon as we got home from finding. Now that's what I like to call a tender mercy of the Lord.

We actually do have a couple of investigators, and we found a new one on Friday! We were on the trolley headed back to the church when Sister J asked if she could attend our church! For a while, I was kind of worried that she was crazy. She acted normal--she's really nice actually. I just thought, "Wow, SHE asked US if she could come. She MUST be crazy." But hey, God told me off a little about that. I mean yeah, a lot of people aren't interested, but there are prepared people out there too. I've been praying really hard recently for more people to teach, especially families, and Sister J said that once her husband's health improves, she'll be bringing him to meet us! Such a miracle. God really is taking care of us.

I've learned a lot recently about what kind of person I want to be for the rest of my life. Moving to this new area for the last two months of my mission has really helped me to set a good tone for this last move, to change the things that I want to change. I mean, I could change at any time, but it's easier to make small changes when a big changes happens too. I thought I'd be really distraught or stressed out in my last couple of months, but so far I'm just really happy. I don't want it to be a stressful time, so it's not going to be. I've already decided.

Week 66, in which we have a surprise guest at District Meeting, and in which I might have actually crossed the line from 'normal missionary exhaustion' to 'excessively ridiculous--but don't worry, Mom--exhaustion.'

The girl next to me is watching an Indonesian soap opera on Youtube. It's kind of distracting.

Anyways, yet another crazy week in Macau! But before I get to that part, it's time for t-shirt of the week! And this week has been great. Here's the first one: "Terrorist pug. Make a noise." And it had this really cute (or ugly? I can never tell with pugs...) pug on the front with its tongue hanging out of its mouth. The next one: "Shop after brunch." I completely agree, the only thing better than brunch is when you go shopping afterwards. The last one: "Love a fair." Clever. I do love a good fair.

So here's the scoop on my week in Macau. The craziness all started in the midst of district meeting. I had a rather unfortunate lunch, which led to quite an uncomfortable stomach ache. So I was going back and forth to the bathroom between trainings, hoping to just get sick and have it over with. But it didn't happen, so I just went back into the room, looking rather pale-faced and pathetic. And to my alarm, President Hawks was there. Fantastic. Now don't get me wrong, I love President Hawks, but he doesn't just show up in Macau for no reason. Well, turns out he was there for an interview with one of the other missionaries, but he said, "Well, since I'm here, I might as well announce that Sister Cutler, you're moving out of Macau on Friday (in three days) and Sister L, you're switching back to International." I couldn't really understand what was going on at first (I was pretty out of it), but my tear-ducts realized what had happened before my brain did, so tears started just coming out without my permission. President Hawks said, "There is wisdom in this," and mysteriously walked out of the room. He's so good at making an exit. I hope that I can exit Macau the same way he exited the room at that moment. So classy.

Well, let me tell you folks, I always knew I loved Macau, but I never knew how much until I was told I had to leave. I literally had no time to pack everything, see everyone, write all the records I'd slacked on, and process what was going on in my mind. Seriously, I felt like I was being sent home from my mission early. This time in Macau has been like a mission within a mission, and how strange for it to come to a close so quickly! At first, all I could think was, "But Sister J's baptism is on Sunday! And Sister D and Brother R are coming back Friday afternoon! And Sister T is just starting to make real progress!" But then I realized that this kind of mindset was not healthy, so I cut it out and quickly realized that I'm really excited to go back to Chinese work. I'll be going to Hung Shui Kiu, which is in the New Territories, basically the boonies of Hong Kong. It's beautiful out there and the people apparently are wonderful. I'm excited to get my Chinese improving even faster (although it has improved a lot here in international too!) and I'm excited to get to know a new area. 

Saying goodbye to all these people was so hard, but it was so so rewarding. Sometimes you get down on yourself, thinking that you haven't made a difference. But this week I really found that yes, I have made a difference for some of these people. And wow have they made a difference for me. I have learned so much from them, and I sure do love them.

So on Thursday night, right as I finished packing, I received a telephone call... "Sister Cutler, you won't be moving until October 7th." By that point, I was so incredibly exhausted that I just sat down laughing hysterically, not knowing if I was happy or sad or what. Eventually I figured out that I was happy, so so happy! Except for the fact that I'll have to live out of a suitcase for a while haha. So I saw Sister D and Brother R and baby A the next day! And they really are just the most beautiful family. I sure do love them. 

And on Sunday, Sister J got baptized! It was a rough journey for her. Her relatives gave her a hard time about becoming Mormon, but she's pushed through it and was so happy at her baptism. Our last lesson with her before her baptism was about Lehi's Dream in 1 Nephi 8. We drew it on the board, and had the most fun discussing ways that we can keep holding onto the iron rod. Sister J is so sweet, and it was so hard telling her that I'd have to leave before her baptism, but I'm glad I managed to stay. Such a blessing. 

And then today, all the missionaries went to MGM for one final buffet before I leave and before Elder L finishes his mission. It was so great. There's something about serving in Macau that brings everyone together. No hard feelings, no problems. These are some great missionaries, and I'll sure miss them. We had a great time talking about our favorite childhood memories and turns out we were all pretty awkward kids. I shared about some of my more ridiculous Halloween costumes growing up (what a weird kid I was) and it was just great. Oh, and the food was delicious, of course. I love eating, especially eating with friends.

But wait! The turmoil isn't over! We got a call from President Hawks this morning, and he said that I might be leaving on Wednesday instead of on the 7th! So we'll see what happens. Luckily I haven't unpacked yet. And either way, I'll be in Hung Shui Kiu for my next email. It didn't even faze me (is that how you spell 'faze?'), I'm just used to having my fate up in the air I suppose.

The mission just keeps getting better and better. Sometimes I think, "Gee, what was wrong with me at the beginning of my mission, why didn't I just feel like this the whole time?" But then I realized that it's not a problem with me, it's just the way life works. If the best was here already, life would be super lame. But it'll just keep going, getting better and better. That's how the gospel works. The best is always yet to come. Leaving here is hard, and leaving my mission will be hard. 

But I feel like I've learned to be more like Paul. He really is my hero, and in the past few days, this verse has become my motto: "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment, let us be therewith content." 1 Timothy 6:6-8. I have great food (especially today) and I have plenty of clothes (although I'm kind of sick of all of them, but that's life as a sister missionary I suppose). I'm good with where I am (in an email place, by a nice Indonesian girl, trying to not watch Indonesian soap operas). And in a week, I'll be good with where I am (in Hung Shui Kiu with Sister C, pretending I'm Chinese). And in 6 months, I'll be good with where I am too (somewhere in Provo as an awkward RM, pretending that I know what my plan for life is). It's a good feeling, loving where you are, no matter how much time you have left in that place. 

Sometimes I might feel like Frodo: "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." But I'm slowly learning to become more like Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." I think if everyone were more like Gandalf, the world would be a better place. Actually, President Hawks kind of reminds me of Gandalf. Tall and mysterious, stern if necessary, but kind, sometimes even jolly, when speaking to sister missionaries, Hobbits, or small children. And I'm certain he has a hidden stash of fireworks somewhere in the mission office. I'll let you know when I find them.

And on that note, I'll sign off. Goodbye Macau! Hello Hung Shui Kiu!

Week 65, in which I head over to the good old Hong Kong to celebrate one year in the field, and in which I enjoy the pleasure of participating in yet another harmonica duet.

Well, this was an interesting week. The mission goes through phases--I think C.S. Lewis called it the undulation cycle. You're up and happy and everything goes right. And then you're down and struggling to keep optimistic. And Sister Wilson (the visiting General Authority's wife) told us something very wise. She said, in effect, "Life naturally goes through cycles. These cycles aren't caused by our personal error. They are very natural. But Satan will tell us differently. When we are up, he will tell us that this is the way it should always be. If we believe him, we start to wonder what is wrong with us when we pass through the up phase and head for the down phase. And when we're at the down phase, he tells us that it will always be this way, that it will never get better. If we expect these ups and downs, then when we experience them, we can deal with them better and become a more balanced and steady person." It's so true, I've seen it on my mission. In the past, I've not dealt very well with the down times. I've been frustrated with myself because I thought that they were my fault and that I was being silly. But as my mission has progressed, I've learned to rely on the Lord through those hard times, and when I relied on him, yeah, those times were still hard. But I got out of them. And I didn't beat myself up the entire time either, which I think is important to avoid.

Anyways, the point is that I think my life is just in one of those down swings at the moment, but I'm learning so much from it! I was studying grace this morning, and I've studied it many times before, but it seems like every time I study it, I realize that I'd forgotten how essential and powerful grace really is. Grace is the power that comes from Jesus Christ. It enables us to make and maintain positive changes in our lives. Ether 12:36 has made me think a lot: "I prayed unto the Lord that he would give unto the Gentiles grace, that they might have charity." I need that grace so that I can maintain the charity that I feel here in the mission. Sometimes I have these great spurts of love and desire to serve, and then it kind of fades a little, and then it comes again in another great spurt. I don't want to be a spurty missionary--I want to be consistent! So that's what I've been working on recently, consistency.

In other news, Tuesday was my 'one-year-in-the-field' mark! And I celebrated by going to Hong Kong for a leadership meeting with Elder Wilson (in the Asia Area General Presidency). All the missionaries that I served in the MTC with were there! It was so great to see them all again, to see how we've all changed! One of the changes: we love each other so much more now than we did back then haha. 

Elder Wilson is just an awesome man, I learned so much from that leadership meeting and from his trip to Macau that he made on Saturday. He's the first General Authority with whom I've had any sort of real extensive interaction. Here's how our first conversation went down:

EW: And where are you from?

Me: Yorktown, Virginia.

EW: Where is that?

Me: Do you know where Williamsburg is?

EW: Yes, I've been there before.

Me: We're very close to there. I worked at Busch Gardens before.

EW: Really? I've ridden on Apollo's Chariot.

Me: I love that one! You should try The Griffin: 90 degrees straight down.

EW: Not really my style. But Apollos was really good. Very smooth.

Me: Did you hear about the opening ride of Apollo's, when that male model got hit in the face with a flying duck?

EW: Yes, I seem to recall hearing something about that.

Me: But yes, Apollo's is usually very smooth.

Yeah. I felt a little silly afterwards. But he was really nice, so wise and inspiring. I really appreciated what they taught about, especially their focus on the relationship between the Fall and the Atonement. He's really good at making people want to be better while not making them feel bad about where they are right now. That's a talent that I really want to develop.

Today we visited M M, an  lady in the Chinese branch, and after lunch we played harmonica together for about 20 minutes! It was so fun! I had to play as fast as I could to keep up with her, it was just hilarious. I sure do love the people here, they are just a blast.

We've been working a lot with that sister that I talked about last week. She is really struggling, and I think this week she hit rock bottom. At least, I hope it's rock bottom. We got a call one morning and found out that this member was in the hospital. During the night, she'd drunk so much alcohol that she was dangerously intoxicated. Her blood pressure was so high and she was a wreck. After I hung up the phone, I did all I could to keep from just plunging into despair. That sounds very dramatic. But it's true! We'd just talked to her the night before on the phone; we prayed with her, sung a hymn, read the scriptures, gave her the best pep talk I could give. And I felt like I'd failed. But then this little voice came into my head and said, "NO. I do not give you permission to take responsibility for this. You stop feeling sorry for yourself right now. Self-pity will not change anything, so just buck up and deal with the situation! Also... I love you. Thanks for what you're doing for my daughter. She's going to be okay." Yeah. I'm not exaggerating, that's really what I heard. So then I said a little prayer and just waited to hear about what was happening. One of our members took this sister back home, took care of her, and now two sweet, sweet sisters are staying over at her house to just to help her feel like she's not alone. She has made a huge transformation in the past few days. She has finally realized how EVIL alcohol is and she doesn't want anything to do with it. And because she hit that rock bottom point, now she realizes that she has to do everything she can to rely on God, because no one else is able to fix the situation she's in. It has been a miracle, really. The love of these members have saved a life. I hope that throughout my life the Lord will bless me with opportunities to serve the way those two angels have served. And I hope that I'll be paying attention and I'll be prepared. She's still not out of it yet, and there's a long road to go. But there is light and hope and it's all because of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I can't find the words to express my love and gratitude for him.