Week 26: in which English class is even more awesome than usual, and in which a wonderous gift is given

MERRY CHRISTMAS! What a wonderful week (or rather, week and a half, since this email is several days late) this has been. I'll admit, ever since deciding to serve a mission, I was terrified of Christmas time. Basically, the Cutler-Hooper-Sumrak Christmas celebrations are hands-down my most special, tradition-filled, sacred memories. The Christmas-Eve Nativity, pajamas, family dinner to celebrate Rowan's birthday... and then Christmas Day in Smithfield, with the traditional Christmas socks, singing, eating, crying, yelling, wrestling, stories of years past... Hong Kong doesn't really celebrate Christmas very much. Few people actually celebrate, and some people who do celebrate do so without even knowing the story, the incredible miracle that started it all. So yes, I was rather terrified that my mission Christmas would be the worst Christmas ever. I was scared that I would be homesick, and that the homesickness would distract me from the work and just make me miserable. And I definitely didn't want my family to be a weakness, something that brought me down. I wanted them to be a light, to lift me up. So I prayed a lot, really hard, for a long time, asking that God would help me to keep a positive, grateful attitude, that my Christmas day telephone call home would fill me up, so to speak. And you know what? My prayer was answered. I've felt so happy all week, and talking to my family lifted me up, made me feel like I was ready to go for another 6 months or so until we can talk again!


We had a ward Christmas party last Saturday, and our elders, the Mandarin elders, and Sister Chan and I sang 'Angels We Have Heard on High' as part of the program. I sang the first verse in French, Sister Chan sang it again in Cantonese, and then all six of us sang the second verse in English. I was shaking up a storm I was so nervous! But it turned out alright. Actually, I didn't think I sounded particularly good, but Sister Chan sang so beautifully. Seriously, it sounded just like an angel. I was so proud of her, and she was even more terrified than I was. But the best part is what we found out later. One of the boys who was recently baptized, Tony, has had a challenging time feeling the Spirit. He really likes church, but often says he doesn't quite understand what it means to feel the Spirit. But after the party, he was talking with the elders, and he said, "How did the sisters sing like that?" And the elders asked what he meant, and he said, "I felt something, so warm and peaceful. How can they do that?" The elders explained that it was the Spirit, and that it was confirming the truth of the message of the song. When they told us what Tony said, I was so touched. So often, we don't know if what we're doing helps anyone, has any effect. I know that so many people have blessed my life, and they may never know that what they did had such an impact on me. Some days I come home and feel like I did nothing, like I helped no one. But I remind myself that God sent me all the way to Hong Kong to be an instrument in his hands, and that I just have to trust that he is using me. And I don't need to know. Honestly, I just want to help people, and I love to know when I am helping because it makes me feel good, but if I never know, that doesn't even matter.

Fortunately, the mission gives us plenty of opportunities to get over fear of singing in public. In addition to singing at the Christmas party, I also was obliged (forced) to sing a solo at the missionary Christmas party. And that was just plain bad haha. I don't know what happened, because at all the practices it was okay, but when I actually sang, it just sounded bad! Haha, but not nearly as bad as our Christmas Eve night caroling! Elder Goodrich, Elder Parry, Sister Chan, and I went caroling for a couple of hours, and by the end our voices were shot, we'd laughed more than we sang, and the parts where we did sing... well, let's just say it was rough haha. But it was such a fun experience, and I think we cheered up some people. We got a lot of smiles, that's for sure. People aren't really used to caroling over here, so even if you sound really bad, they'll still listen for a little bit because it's such a novelty!

Last week's English class was so funny! We taught them different medical words, like names of illnesses, remedies, etc. Then we played a game called, "What's Wrong With the Elders?" So the elders would go to the front of the room and pretend like they were sick or seriously injured, and the students would take turns diagnosing and prescribing. It was hilarious. I just sat in the corner crying tears (of laughter, obviously). And we taught the students two phrases: "Rub some dirt in it!" and "Put a bandaid on it!" And if the students said either of those, they'd get two extra points! The three (maybe four) people who know that inside joke can fully appreciate that. But for the rest of you, let me take you back to my childhood for a couple sentences. So in elementary school, we went to CCC lab every week. Sometimes we'd do really boring things, but sometimes they'd let us play Busy Town, the best, coolest game ever. Basically, you go around the town and help out the baker, the carpenter, the grocer, all sorts of people. And the best place to go? The doctor. The doctor was a giant, friendly lion. One by one, his patients would come in and say something like, "My knee hurts," "My head hurts," "My stomach hurts." And each time, Doctor Lion would say, "Put a bandaid on it!" (as though a bandaid would cure a headache.) And then you click and drag the bandaid to the correct body part! Pretty fun, huh? So ever since then, every time one of my family members complained of some sort of ailment, we would say, "put a bandaid on it!" And I taught it to friends at BYU. And now, I've spread that inside joke to people literally halfway across the world from home! So maybe this incredibly long-winded story didn't really make you laugh. Or even smile. But just trust me, it's really funny.

So that was a good English class. But yesterday's English class was the best one ever. Only three people came (none of them church members), a mother who speaks mostly Mandarin, a little Cantonese, and next to no English, and her two children, a 12-year-old girl and 6-year-old boy. It was the day after Christmas, so we decided that we'd just teach them the Christmas story in English. So we had each person draw pictures on the board of different parts of the Christmas story. So they learned words like 'shepherd,' 'stable,' 'manger,' 'wise men.' Then the elders told the Christmas story from start to finish. And then they all stood up and told the Christmas story using the pictures we drew. And it was so beautiful, to be there to witness someone learn about the Christmas story for the first time. Really, it's a gaaisik mhdou ge gingyihm (undescribable experience). And Sue, the daughter, who comes to English class pretty regularly, hardly ever talks. She's incredibly shy, and refuses to show emotion. The elders always ask her to do something, or ask if she likes and she'll say No every time. But we got her up there, she participated, and she even smiled! And then we showed them the five-minute Nativity movie that doesn't have any words, just music. I love that movie so much. And afterwards, we were all so quiet. Then Elder Parry asked Sue how she felt. And she thought for a second, then said, "Peaceful." Wow. She felt the Spirit. It was such a silent, sacred moment. I wish I could find the words to describe it, but I really can't. I don't know. I wish you could have been there.

So I've come up with the theme of my Christmas this year--this line from O Little Town of Bethlehem: "How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given; so God imparts to human hearts the blessing of his heaven." The joy of this Christmas didn't come from any big Christmas celebration. There wasn't any snow; in fact, it wasn't even cold! The memories of this Christmas in Hong Kong probably don't seem very significant to people who didn't experience them: a lack of homesickness; Tony's testimony of the Spirit; having fun despite our lack of singing talent; Sue's family learning the Christmas story. But these memories will always be really special to me. The best blessings often come silently, and if we're not looking out, we might miss them. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to serve, but really I'm receiving more blessings than I'll ever be able to pay back through my service. But isn't that the point of Christmas? Celebrating the biggest gift, one given to the whole world, one that we can never repay--the Savior's life.

Week 25: in which I shed tears of joy on more than one occasion, and in which gaining weight could be considered a blessing (I know, weird, right?)

Hello everyone! What a wonderful, happy, laughter-filled week! I got a new companion this week, Sister Chan, and she is an angel. Really. I've never been so happy as a missionary as I am with her. She leads by example, and serves others as often and as quietly as she can. She's from Hong Kong, and she just started learning English on her mission. When I first heard I would have a native companion, I was so nervous that we wouldn't be able to communicate well, but her English is improving constantly, as well as my Cantonese. I feel like my language skyrocketed this week, and I have no fear talking to people, whether they be ward members, investigators, or people on the MTR or bus! I just want to share this miraculous message with anyone who will listen, so if the first person won't, I'll just go on to the next! We've been so busy, and I feel so happy. Seriously, I've said so many thankful prayers in my head throughout this week. So many good things happen and I just want to share them with Heavenly Father. I've never felt so grateful before! It just keeps getting better, and it will keep getting better for eternity! Brothers and sisters, my fire is BACK and BETTER THAN EVER!


T-shirts of the week: First one: "RO SE, woule you say yES!" (That was their spelling error, not mine, by the way.) The second one confused me so much at first, because all it said was, "Rookie Dolphin." Yeah. Like they just became a dolphin, so right now they're not very good at it or something? But then I thought maybe it was talking about the football team? Which would make more sense. But it was still incredibly vague, and the person wearing it probably didn't know what it said anyways.

So one of the members in our ward, Sarah, is a miracle. She's 18 years old, and for most of her life has been in and out of the hospital because of various health problems. But her testimony is so powerful, so strong, and with each trial it just gets stronger! Her latest trial: she has to be on dialysis (I don't know what that is, but it's what she's on), and that has caused her to gain some weight. We've visited her a few times in the hospital, and her mom told us how hard the weight gain has been for Sarah. And what a blessing to be able to understand her trial. Really, it's weird, but it makes me kind of grateful to have this experience, because I can understand a little better how she feels. I can empathize with her a little better. And wow, to think that Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, also knows how we feel. Through his Atonement, he knows how it feels to gain weight, to feel bad about how you look. He's experienced that pain so that I don't have to! And it seems so trivial. At least I'm not starving or dying or alone. But he wanted to help me, so he took upon himself that experience so that he could know how I feel. So that he could know me perfectly.

So Elder Parry and Elder Goodrich (the elders in our ward) showed us the results of a particularly productive companion study: March Madness, Prophet edition. Basically, they listed a bunch of prophets and ranked them based on how awesome they are. Each one was given a different number of points, based on their rank, and then they played each other. So for example, Moses got 9 points, so 9 coins, and they'd flip each coin and count how many landed flower-side up. That's how many points he'd get for that round. And so they played all the prophets and Joseph Smith won! But there were some pretty crazy upsets, and John the Baptist got way further than expected! It was hilarious.

I've had O Holy Night stuck in my head all week (Sister Chan and I hum it whenever we're walking anywhere), and these lyrics have been on my mind: "Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother." I love that. Each person I meet is my brother or sister, and Christ has suffered and died for them, so that they can be freed from the chains of sin and death. But so many people here don't know that; in fact, they don't even know who Jesus Christ is. And that's where we come in! We have to share what we know to anyone who will listen, because they are our family members! They are our brothers and sisters! And we may not remember, but we lived with them before this life with our Heavenly Father, and we'll see them again after this life. My time here is so short, and I'm starting to really feel how short it is. I only have a year left! Time is flying. And Gandalf's line from Lord of the Rings keeps going through my head: "All that we can do is decide what to do with the time that is given us." I don't want to waste time being half-hearted, thinking about things that I've lost or that I'm missing out on. I'm all here!

I am so happy! I love you all so much!



Week 24: in which I saw Gandalf the Gray at least five times, and in which the people of Hong Kong become ever more Christlike (even if they don't know it yet!)

Hello everyone! How is life in the good ol' US of A? Hong Kong is as exciting as ever!


T-shirts of the week: The first one seemed really normal at first. But when I did a double-take, I realized that it had a huge UK flag on the front. And printed underneath: New York, New York. Yeah, I don't know. Whatever. The second t-shirt: "Now I will eat ice cream for breakfast." Yeah. I almost offered to buy it from her. But then I thought that'd be weird.

So I guess the Hobbit is coming out or something? Because I can't escape the posters of Bilbo, Gandalf, Galadriel, the dwarves (not that I'd want to escape anyways). Every time I see them, my heart is filled with joy and love and serenity. Kind of like reading the scriptures, but a little different.

So last week, we were in the elevator of our apartment building with a woman, and we started talking to her. Her name is Emmy, and we just greeted her and did some small talk (Have you eaten yet? Our equivalent of talking about the weather.) And then we left the building to walk to church. After a minute or two, we heard, "Hello! Hello!" And she was running to catch up to us! And she asked me, "Do you have a coat?" (It's not quite cold enough for me to wear one yet, but everyone here is already freezing cold haha. Utah trained me well!) And I told her I did, but she still offered to give me one. So we kept saying no thank you, and then she walked with us for a ways on her way to work. And that evening we came home around 9:30. And I had a giant bag on my desk! And the other sisters told us that Emmy had found our apartment (we have a picture of Jesus on the door, so it's pretty easy to find) and dropped off two coats for me! And they were NICE coats. So now I have a beautiful, black trenchcoat! I am so blown away by how charitable the people here are. They follow Christ without even knowing it.

Raven asked us a couple weeks ago to help her learn hymns so that she can participate more in sacrament meetings, so we started last week with Silent Night. And can I tell you, there are few things sweeter than teaching someone who is just learning what it means to be a Christian the words to one of the most sacred, precious songs about him. I felt the Spirit so strong. What a blessing to be here, to help people come to know Christ. Their Savior. Who knows them perfectly. What a blessing. I wish I could explain it more fully the feeling I have as I'm typing about this experience, but there aren't words in the English language (or Cantonese) to describe it.

I've been learning so much these past few weeks, and I feel like I'm coming up out of that emotional valley I was in for a while. It's hard climbing out of valleys, because it's all uphill. But when you get out, the view is so worth it and you learn so much more. I've struggled (and am still struggling) with a lot of negative thoughts: about my body, about my lack of ability or competence, about things that I miss or that I gave up to come on my mission. And I was wondering what was wrong with me, why I couldn't overcome this negative thoughts. Why did they affect me so much? Am I doing something wrong, am I weak? Why can't I just choose to not think those things? But then I read a quote from a note Rachel sent me in the MTC. Albus Dumbledore once said, "In the end, Harry, it mattered not that you could not close your mind. It was your heart that saved you." We all will struggle with those thoughts, and sometimes we can't always control what we think. But that doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not you push through those thoughts. What matters is your desires, your testimony. And when everything else was up in the air, when I couldn't stop the churning, frantic thoughts in my mind, the thing I held onto was my testimony of Jesus Christ. I don't know what to do or where to go, but I know Christ lives and that because he lives, I can live again with him. And I held onto that until the storm in my mind stopped. And the storms will always stop eventually. They will always stop, and when they do, the sun will shine through the clouds and you will see that you've made it to land, you've made it home.

I love you all! Thank you so much for your prayers, letters, and support!

Fwd: Week 23: in which I keep my chin up and learn a thing or two

Hello family and friends! I am so grateful that it is Monday! We are in Tai Po today, right near the borders of Mainland China! Pretty exciting, huh? After emailing, we'll venture into the rain to buy some fake jade and some cheap clothes. This is the life!


T shirt of the week: "I shoot people." It has a giant camera with a bullet coming out of it. I thought it was kind of clever actually!

This has been another challenging week, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, but do you want to know the miracle? I can honestly pray every night and thank the Lord for these experiences, because their role in my growth and progression as a missionary and a person are so readily evident. I feel stronger and braver than I've ever felt before! And I've never been so aware of my weaknesses either. I'm praying harder, crying harder, working harder, smiling harder, laughing harder, sleeping harder than I've ever done before, and I'm not even one-third of the way done with this mission thing! You won't even recognize me when I get home! And I'm not just saying that because of how much weight I'll have gained by then haha. (Just kidding. Kind of?)

So the other day I saw a sign advertising for the annual Cantonese Opera Festival. Of course, I immediately thought of last summer's wonderful opera experiences with Granny and Rebecca, especially singing La Donna Est Mobile and the Queen of the Night's song in the kitchen while washing dishes. And then I noticed one of the special events on the poster: Opera Sing Along. YES. They have a sing-along section at the festival. And if I weren't a missionary, I'd be there in a heartbeat haha.

Speaking of singing, turns out I have a solo in the mission Christmas program! Yes, that's right, I'll be hitting the big stage! The elder in charge of the choir just kind of told me (no, not asked, told) in the middle of rehearsal haha, so that was a lovely experience. I don't think my ears have ever turned so red before, but I did alright anyways.

Good news! We've been doing a lot of praying and thinking about Raven, and we talked to her the other day about her baptismal date. And we challenged her to get baptized before the end of the year, so we're planning on December 30th! We're praying so hard that everything will work out! She is so clearly prepared, and we just love her! She is a light!

We've had a lot of trouble finding new people to teach recently, which means we've been doing quite a bit of finding, and I'm actually starting to love it. Secretly. Don't tell Sister Taylor quite yet haha. I talked to a few school girls this week, and at first I got really nervous before talking to them, but turns out they usually are kind of in awe of these 20-something year old American girls, so really there's no reason to be nervous! It's all an adventure, and even the straight-up rejection by the old po-pos (old grandmas) can make it fun if you have a good attitude about it!

In English class, we were teaching a bunch of idioms, one of them being "Keep your chin up!" And Paul, our English class regular, asked, "So what does 'Keep your chin down' mean?" So now we've started saying that all the time haha.

I love this quote by Elder Maxwell: "Consecration is the only surrender that is also a victory." It's so true. When we truly consecrate our wills to Heavenly Father, that is when we truly succeed, truly find happiness. Sacrificing for this mission is the best choice I've ever made, and I love the trials, the challenges, and the small, daily victories. I love the people, I love the food (although maybe not what it does to me or my bowels haha), I love the work, I love the Lord. And I love all of you!

Week 22 email: in which I almost witness a death, but it was alright, and in which Frodo and Sam are reunited at last

Hello family and friends and acquaintances and enemies and strangers! Or as the crazy ward correlator would say, "Bonjour!" (He really loved French class. Like, really, really loved it. Like, he's considering starting his own French class even though he has the worst accent I've ever heard. It's hilarious.)


So first things first: have I mentioned how crazy Hong Kong transportation is? Well, it's crazy. I've never seen a car wreck, miraculously, but the buses and taxis and ridiculously expensive-looking cars weave in and out so quick, it's like they're being chased by a t-rex or something, and it's every man for himself! And what makes it even scarier are the pedestrians! Seriously, the Hong Kong people walk so slowly on the side walk, like they have all the time in the world. But when it comes to waiting at crossing lights... yeah, like they have time for that! They book it across these streets, standing in one lane while waiting for the bus to pass, hoping that the taxi doesn't try to use their lane to overtake it. It's just plain crazy! We gotta get these people baptized before they kill themselves! So yes, this brings up two adventures. Well the first adventure is a pretty common occurrence actually. I've been designated bus-runner. And you should see me run for buses in a skirt! (I know, I know, that is a very poorly worded, ambiguous sentence. Am I running in a skirt, or are the buses wearing the skirt? I apologize, but give me a break! I'm speaking Cantonese every day of my life!) Anyways, I'm pretty much a skirt-running pro now. Elders just don't understand. And the second transportation adventure involves that death I mentioned earlier. So here's what happened. A little boy was pushing his bike across the street when the very front of the bike got hit by a bus! And it totally messed up the bike and threw the boy on the road, but he survived! And the bus driver got out and freaked out at him, but the boy just stood up and ran away! It was a very startling way to start off the day.

T-shirt of the week: the strangest shade of orange I've ever seen with these words: I yam what I yam. Seriously, I wonder if the people here know what their shirts mean. A girl on the MTR (named Bread, by the way) was wearing a "I mustache you a question" t-shirt, and I asked her if she got the joke, and she had no idea what a mustache even was.

We've been doing a lot of finding recently, which is sometimes fun, and sometimes stressful, but always, guaranteed, no exceptions, AWKWARD. As one of our zone leaders says, "The mission is 90% awkward, 10% miracle." I've been thinking a lot about Jeremiah 16:16, where it talks about how some missionaries are like fishermen: you just pull up nets and nets of fish! And that reminded me a lot of Jesse's experiences in Africa. And then there are other missionaries that are like hunters, searching everywhere for that one person. And wow, do I feel like a hunter! We had such an awesome miracle a couple weeks ago, and her name is Lorna. So we'd been finding for about an hour, and no one wanted to listen. But then I saw a woman sitting on the side of the road, so we went up and talked to her. She was from the Philippines, so we asked her in English if she was waiting for the bus. She said, "No. Where's the nearest LDS church?" And we were shocked! So we told her, and turns out she was baptized 20 years ago in the Philippines, but hasn't been to church in a long time because she doesn't speak Cantonese and didn't know where to find our church! Wow, what a miracle. The Lord is so aware of his children, and I know he arranged our schedule so that we could go finding and so that we could bring back one of his lost sheep. Hers was the only phone number we got that day, and it was so incredibly worth it.

English class is always one of my favorite times of the week, but last week's was more special than most. One of the elders' investigators asked them to give him an English name (many Hong Kong students have them), so after much pondering and praying (or not), they named him Frodo. Yes, I about died. Frodo is hilarious, and not because he means to be. He showed up to church last Sunday 2 hours late... wearing fleece pajamas. Classic Frodo. And he can't speak a lick of English, but he comes to English class every week and tries his best haha. And this week a new kid showed up. He has perfect English. And his name? Samwise Gamgee. No joke. Actually, yes. Kind of a joke. His name is Sam though! We thought it was so funny, so we four missionaries were dying of laughter, and then everyone else thought it was so funny that we thought it was funny, so they laughed too. It was a good day.

Our Thanksgiving day was awesome! We had a zone Thanksgiving meal, including the most delicious turkey I've ever eaten, courtesy of Elder Christensen, our district leader. We four sisters make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, which were incredible, of course. So we stuffed ourselves, rested, and then our elders and we went to the bishop's house for more Thanksgiving! We were so stuffed by the end, but it was such a good day.

This week has been hard. Really really hard. Not that any bad things happened, I'm just emotionally drained, and I feel Satan really trying to get me down on myself. I've learned a lot about forgiveness, particularly forgiving myself for my weaknesses. And I learned this week that weaknesses are NOT the same as sins. No duh, Sister Cutler. But really! But I know that the Lord is watching out for me and helping me grow, and I know that the task ahead of us is never greater than the power behind us. The Lord is in charge, and I love it!

Week 21: in which I explain what I said last week about Waitrose, and in which I find a lost sheep

Hello everyone! It's been an interesting week, that's for sure! Moments of joy, moments of sorrow, and then moments of joy caused by the realization that I was feeling that sorrow! This incredibly insightful conversation between Ron and Hermione just came to my mind: "A person can't feel all that at once... they'd explode!" "Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean everyone does!" Well, let me tell you, I've learned that I have the emotional range of one of those giant blue water drums we have stored in our garage! What are those for anyways? Are they actually filled with water? I never really thought about them before...


In other news, I bought myself The Testaments last week at the distribution center for 5US dollars! So that's what we'll be watching for the next few mealtimes at church! Happy birthday to me!

And another birthday surprise: Sister Fernelius and Sister Kelly made me chocolate chip pancakes!!!! They were amazing! And so are those sisters. Seriously, I love them to death. Speaking of death, Sister Kelly is actually "dying" in December, and we'll miss her so much! She has imparted so many words of wisdom, and has really helped me feel more comfortable being a baby. I love that woman.

T-shirt of the week: Brown. Huge. And it says, "Everything is make by me." Uhh, okay?

Sometimes it seems like people just take a dictionary, put it into a cannon, launch it, and then have a few five year olds run around, pick up the words, tape them together, and turn them into t-shirts. Seriously. Here's an example: "Eleven o'clock. Reception to the world or knowledge. I love to fun you are my heart too. See me." I think that might have been it. It's hard to remember the ones that don't make any sense.

So you know how I mentioned Waitrose last week and then didn't say anything else about it? Well, I apologize haha. So the other day, one of our investigators brought some crackers to our lesson and offered them to us. "These are Waitrose crackers," she said, "So you know they're good quality." So I took one, ate it, and thought it was delicious. Then I look over at Sister Taylor, and she was placing her half-eaten cracker in her lunch bag saying, "I'm full, but I'll save the rest for later!" And I figured maybe she had a stomach ache or something? So when offered, I took another... and another. And then when we got home, Sister Taylor said when she'd taken a bite of her cracker, a small herd of weevils poured out. (I don't think it's a 'herd' of weevils, but I can't think of anything better at the moment.) So yes. That was a nice experience haha. Oh well, I probably haven't eaten enough protein recently anyways.

Anyways, so Raven's baptism is definitely postponed, and one of our other investigators, Christy... well, we pretty much said goodbye to her a couple nights ago. She is such a sweet woman, and her life is super hard. Family, health, and work problems compound upon each other, and she just despairs. We've told her over and over again that she has the option. She can quit this job, she can come to church, she can be happy. She KNOWS this gospel makes her happy--she's said it herself over and over again. But she just chooses to not do the things that will bring her happiness. And we've done all we can. So we'll keep inviting her to things, we'll keep talking to her when she's really upset... But we can't be spending time teaching her when there are those out there who are ready to act on what we're inviting them to do. And as we were going home after meeting with her, I was so sad. And I realized that this sorrow wasn't originating from me. Just like the love I feel for Christy doesn't originate from me either. This love and sorrow is Christ's. I wanted so badly to help Christy. But our Savior wanted to help her infinity times more. He died to help her, that's how much he loves her. And it hurts me and hurts him to see her walk away from the only thing that can heal her: The Atonement of Christ.

But there were also times of rejoicing this week! On my birthday, one of our investigators, Teresa, called us out of the blue! We met her once, a month ago, and since then she's been too busy to schedule us. But she remembered my birthday! And she called and asked if we could celebrate together! So we met her at the church, and she brought a cake, a card, and the sweetest little wooden keychain of an angel with my name carved on the back of it. Wow. I was so incredibly touched. She is the sweetest thing. And while eating, we taught her about the Restoration of the Gospel, and she just sat there and nodded and smiled and was so agreeable! I mean, who knows if she believed a word we said haha, but she is definitely a light in my life, and made my birthday so very special.

And speaking of angels, I'll tell you about Sister Choih, who I've never actually met her in person, but I call her each week, listen to all of her problems, and then express how much we miss her and want to visit her. And she's always too busy (along with every person in all of Hong Kong!) but she always says to keep calling because our calls make her so happy. And this week she called me her angel. Wow, did that touch my heart. I feel so useless sometimes. Like I don't know what I'm doing. Awkward, as if I were some weird third arm coming out of someone's side, you know, like, "Gee, what do I do with this thing? I don't even have a sleeve to put it in!" (Does that make sense? Maybe not haha.) But one day I was feeling extra useless when this thought came to me: "Sister Cutler. Oh dear, silly Sister Cutler. Do you realize the effort that I put into convincing you to go on a mission? Do you understand how much effort it takes to teach you Cantonese and fly you halfway around the world? Do you realize the effort I invest in giving you the energy and conviction to wake up every morning and go out into a foreign country and smile and actually try to talk to people who may or may not understand you? I don't waste my time. I don't waste my breath. Why would I do all that and then just not use you? I use you every day, and sometimes you can realize it. But sometimes you don't need to know. Sometimes, you'll never know whose lives you touch. And that's faith. You staying here and pressing forward, trusting that I'll guide you. Just keep having faith, because I'm in charge and I need you to be who you are, where you are." I'm learning a lot about forgiving myself for my weaknesses. If the Lord needed my Cantonese to be perfect, it would be. I have no doubt. Read Jeremiah 1:1-6. I feel just like Jeremiah sometimes. But I know that it's not me doing the teaching anyways. It's the Spirit, and the Spirit speaks the language of the heart. And everyone is fluent.

Week 20: in which I discover that Waitrose is not to be trusted, and in which I become an amazing chef, and in which I learn to trust in the Lord just a little more than last week

Needless to say, a lot happened this week, and most of it will be too hard to explain. Plus, I only have 20 minutes left of email time. But here goes nothing!


Firstly, thank you for all the birthday wishes! I'm so excited to be 22! And tomorrow is going to be a busy day, which is a great present from the Lord! I have this new restlessness-- it hit me about a month ago, and I can't stand being still for too long. I want to teach and talk to people as much as I can! I'm also very excited to open my package, so thank you Mom and Dad! I hate to brag, but I have the best family in the world.

And since I'm in bragging mode, can I just say that I made the most incredibly delicious, well-seasoned, melt-in-your-mouth fish ever? It was hands-down the best seafood I've had in years. Yes. I've been in Hong Kong for two months now, and the best seafood I've eaten was made in my own, cramped, wonderful little kitchen. It brought tears of joy to my eyes.

T-shirt of the week: Worn by the sweetest looking little school girl, about 15 or so. It's black with white writing, and says, "READ. WRITE. EAT. KILL. SLEEP." Yeah, I don't know. Is she an author by day, vampire by night? Beats me. People here seem to have a thing for vampires. I saw another t-shirt that said, "Follow me to my coven." I was like, "Uhh, pass."

So Cantonese? It's awesome. I have been so blessed. Honestly, it can't be me, because I'm learning it far too fast for it to be me. I mean, French took me forever, and I'm already better in Cantonese than French. The fun thing about Cantonese is if you say the word with wrong tones, it has a completely different meaning. Like "Sataan" (both high tones) is "beach", but "Saatdaahn" (mid tone, low tone) is "Satan." So that's cool? And the word for "turkey" is "fogai:" "fo" means "fire" and "gai" means "chicken" haha. I love it! Speaking of French, French class is going so well, and I love teaching it. But it is so strange teaching French in Cantonese and English. Speaking three languages in one lesson just makes me a little crazy haha, but the miracle is that I can do it! And I love seeing the people who attend the class during the week, because they always say, "Bonjour! Comment ca va?" And it makes me so happy!

I had some really weird dreams this week, and some of them were actually really depressing, so I won't share those. The best dream: I was walking down one of the markets when I saw a huge instrument stand. And I bought a set of bagpipes for $400HK!!! Seriously!? Best deal ever. I was so happy that whole entire day.

So Raven won't be getting baptized this week, due to family problems. She was really sad, and so were we... For a minute or two. But then this wave of peace came over us, and we just knew that everything is going to be alright. God knows the desires of our hearts, and he is in control. He has our entire Plan of Salvation lined up for us, and as long as we just trust in him, everything will work out for the best. I love Philippians 4:&, which says, "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I love that. We always want to understand why things happen. Why do we have to be sick? Why did our loved one have to pass away? Why can't I find a job? Why are things unfair? Why do bad things happen to good people? But no level of understanding can bring to us the same comfort that can come from the love and peace that we can find from our Heavenly Father. Life is going to be tough, and sometimes we're going to wonder how long we have to wait before the miracle will come. But it will come. And in the mean time, we can find peace in knowing that we're on our way to the promised land. We left the land of our inheritance, just like Lehi and his family. We're wandering through the wilderness, and sometimes it's hard. But God has a promised land waiting for us, "And in this I do rejoice!" (1 Nephi 5:5). I'm so grateful for the peace that this gospel brings. It's true. It changes lives. It changes hearts.

I love you all! Thank you for the prayers and support! Family and friends, especially cousins in distant lands, you are my light!

Week 19: in which I eat enough food to keep the entire Hooper family happy for days, and in which I learn just a little more about patience

Hello everyone! It's November! The start of a MONTH OF MIRACLES. Sister Taylor and I were setting monthly goals last week, and we both got very quiet and were pondering what we wanted to happen this month. And we had a feeling that this month is going to be special. We're not quite sure why, but we both just know that we're going to be seeing miracles, and not just the usual the-bus-shows-up-right-when-we-need-it miracle, or even the I-can't-believe-God-helped-us-eat-this-much-food miracle. This month is going to be different. It will be miracle month. So we decided to write down daily miracles during each evening planning session, and we're going to make a big, beautiful poster of them to put on our wall. I'm so excited to see what will happen, because it's gonna be HUGE!

Our first miracle in progress is Raven, probably the sweetest, most adorably Christlike girl I've ever met. She's planning to get baptized later this month, and we are so excited! Her family isn't too thrilled with the idea, but she doesn't want to let that stop her from doing what she knows is right. Her older sister asked her the other day why she doesn't just take her time, and wait awhile before baptism; don't rush into anything. And Raven told her, "I've waited long enough already! Why put off what's right?" I told her that I loved her cardigan (a light, pastel yellow, and super warm), and then she went all the way to Mong Kok to pick one up for me! And she showed up to our next lesson and, with the sweetest little grin on her face, pulled it out with a flourish haha. It was such a surprise! And such a good deal too, under $5US. I think I might have to get another one sometime.

T-shirt of the week: Black with bold, white print, worn by the female version of a sumo wrestler: "Belle of the Brawl." I believed it.

So the week before last, Sister Taylor had a really bad virus, and I forced her to stay home to rest (which was a struggle--that girl does not keep still!). And that Sunday we'd had a member invite us over for dinner, the same member who fed us pig's feet. This woman is the most generous, loving person you'll ever meet. A little too generous sometimes. Her table is COVERED with food, and she expects it to be eaten. All of it. So I was really concerned for Sister Taylor's stomach. And that afternoon we were just considering calling to reschedule (we hesitated because we really didn't want to offend her) when she called us and, very apologetically, cancelled. It was a miracle of epic proportions, and we were overjoyed. But the miracles don't stop there! She rescheduled for this past Sunday, which just happened to be fast Sunday. Perfect! So we loosened our belts and prepared to fill every nook and cranny. Every time we've eaten with this sister so far, we've had to clear the table, and on this day, it just wasn't happening. My stomach must have shrunk because of the lack of food or something, but either way it wasn't going to happen. As I'm on the verge of tears (drama queen alert!), she just gets up and clears the table. Out of nowhere. It was incredible! And then she comes out with a couple persimmons which I was able to eat easily. It really was a miracle. And then the biggest miracle: she sent us home with a BEAUTIFUL bar of Swiss chocolate with almonds. Worth it. I thought a lot about Drew and Clayton during this meal, and prayed my heart out that God would help me eat as much as Drew (or Clayton) could eat. And I also thought about Jesse and all of his companions, and wished that I could just take that meal and Apparate it to Sierra Leone. They'd probably really appreciate it! But each mission comes with its own trials, and each mission is custom-made to fit the missionary's strengths and weaknesses. I'm so excited for the day when the Hooper missionaries are reunited! Hilarious stories will abound. Tears and laughter. It'll be like when Paul got to meet up with Titus and Apollo, or when Alma and the brothers of Mosiah ran into each other in the wilderness. And I CAN'T WAIT!

I've had to learn a lot about patience this week, especially patience with myself. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I'm not learning as quickly as I want to. But as I was studying the New Testament, I realized that Jesus Christ understands that feeling too! He came to this earth as a child, and learned line upon line, precept upon precept, grace by grace, just like I am right now. I was thinking about that last part: "Grace by grace." A grace note is the smallest little note you can play-- it's practically non-existent! But it's so incredible important, because it completely changes the feel of the song. It adds beauty, emotion. Sometimes it's a nice little surprise, breaking up the monotony of an otherwise calm piece. These little steps that I'm taking, grace by grace, are seemingly insignificant, but they're actually essential to my growth as a person and a missionary and a future mother, wife, teacher, and whatever else I may become! I'm so excited by all these little steps, because I know that each one is taking me (and everyone I'm teaching, meeting, working with) one step closer to our Heavenly Father! It's true! All of it! And I'm blessed to play a tiny, tiny role in the biggest, most important work of all! I love it, love the people of Hong Kong, love you all, and love the Lord!